Kale Chips and Stressful Bits

Today started out fine. Getting outta bed, wasn't any harder than usual and the sun was shining! There is nothing better than walking outside in my spring jacket with a cool breeze and the bright sun. It just gets you off on the right foot!

I did quite well with breakfast, making a spirulina, banana-strawberry smoothie (I knew I'd get used to the flavour!) and I was pretty satisfied until late morning when I pulled out the freshly made kale chips (I added some parmesan cheese!) I had made last night. 

Again lunch was good, veggie stew with lots of beans and sweet potato. I had an apple for dessert. Then for my afternoon snack I had a little lonely hard boiled egg. Mmm! I LOVE hard boiled eggs, similarly deviled eggs and egg salad sandwiches. Sometimes I get a craving for those sandwiches and nothing stands in my way! Bryan's grandmother makes the best egg salad sandwiches and I finally discovered her secret. She makes her own mayo! It's fresh and sweet and just right. I stole her mayo recipe last time we visited and just cant wait to make it sometime.

I digress. All was going well and I was happy! I was looking forward to a little afterwork run outside with a couple of friends and maybe getting home before 9pm for once. 

It was a good friends bday today and a coworker made some cake. I decided I'd been good today, had missed out on this girls homemade cake before and didn't want to miss it this time so I had a little slice. It really was good :) At this point I still didn't feel guilty.

I managed to get out for that run after work and it was really nice to run by the water and with a couple friends. The only trouble was that these two particular friends are quite tall. So tall in fact that one of their strides equals about three of mine. I didn't try to keep up, but even at that I was sprinting! It wasn't a long jog so I decided to head to my BodyCombat class afterwards. Boy am I paying for it tonight, I am worried I'm going to be much too sore for bootcamp tomorrow night!

This is where it gets interesting. I still had to head to the grocery store for some veggies. Which I did and as usual bought more than what was probably needed. With gym bag and groceries in hand I started on the long trek home. This is when I got to sit in silence and stew. I started regretting that cake, I started feeling sore and tired and was regretting the extra gym time. I started hating I was going home so late, again. I started to get overwhelmed with the dishes and cooking I needed and wanted to do when I got home (had to cook up those veggies for lunches). I started getting hungry!

I'm sure you've all been at that point, where you're so hungry and tired you just can't function until you get food in your belly. Sometimes even then that sad, heavy feeling doesn't go away. After my mixed veggie salad and little bit of greek yogurt and honey I, thankfully, did start to feel better. The fog started lifting and the dishes and cooking didn't seem so bad anymore. But was it worth the two hours of feeling like crap?

No. I don't think so. I think I'm doing my body more harm than good. I think I'm too hard on myself and I think I need to relax. I don't need to go to the gym every night of the week! I deserve to come home one night, do some chores, watch TV and visit with my boyfriend. That true me time (I usually say my me time is my workout time), the time to relax and rest is important or I'll never see results (mentally and physically) and it will always be a battle until I start taking care of myself. Really taking care and listen when my body tells me to slow down. So now, my challenge is not avoiding gluten and sugars and caffeine. It is listening to my body. 

Yes, I will still look for new gluten free recipes, and substitute whole wheat options for something else. Yes, I'll keep reading the ingredients list looking for all that sugar. And yes, I'll resist the temptation for that cup of unneeded coffee. But, I am NOT going to come down on myself when I do break these "rules". I'm not even sure I can call them rules anymore.

I have been venting these frustrating feelings of defeat to my mother, my boyfriend and my nutritionist this week and they all seem to be saying the same thing and I think Jill has put it best - 

The intention is not to "diet" but to find the most balance in order for you to feel your best. It's lifestyle and that is the focus.

With lifestyle choices in mind, I think my goal really needs to be finding that balance between food, fitness, fun and now most of all forgiveness.